A Little Trip to the Archives

Reading through my old blog posts made me realize...  I really ain't that fun anymore.

Somewhere along the way, I accidentally became an adult. And I guess that's the harsh truth - adulting changes you.

Maybe it didn't steal my personality after all; maybe it just reshaped it.

Life taught me through experience. I learned to handle things with a little more wisdom, to know when to speak and when to simply pay attention. I learned to observe before making judgments and to understand before reacting.

These days, I find myself drawn to more serious things happening around the world. The things that excite me are different now and so are the conversations I enjoy.

I guess that's what growth looks like.

Not becoming less fun, just becoming a different version of yourself.

I still miss the version of me who found excitement in the little things though.

The Opportunity

My old readers (who I doubt are still here and actually reading this) would probably remember that this blog, my little personal space, where I used to rant about student life, friends, family and relationships - more like writing in a diary but with attractive features - once blew up because of just one post: "Blogger Cantik di Malaysia." Hahaha!

Until today, I still wonder who was the first person that stumbled upon my blog and decided to put me on that list with all those gorgeous bloggers. Seriously, I was so intimidated. I wasn't even close to any of them. 😂

Anyway, let's put that story aside for now.

But thanks to the person who put me in the spotlight with that post, my blog eventually reached a level I never expected. I received an invitation from one of Southeast Asia's leading online fashion and lifestyle retailers to collaborate, an invitation to appear as a guest on a national TV programme and even a few opportunities from Nuffnang. And classically-me, I politely turned them all down. It wasn't because I didn't appreciate the opportunities. I did. I just knew they came with a version of life I wasn't ready for. I've always valued my privacy more than being in the spotlight and I didn't think I had the confidence or courage to put myself out there.

Looking back, if I had taken all the opportunities that came my way back then, I probably would've ended up alongside those who knew how to make the most of them. I'm sure you know some of the names that came from the blogging scene. They've become well-known in their own fields. Many of them eventually became celebrities or, in today's terms, influencers.

But I won't say that I regret the choices I made. If I could go back to that time, I'd still make the same decisions. Cause that's simply who I am; an ambivert who's always tried to stay under the radar and enjoyed staying in my own little bubble. Though people probably saw me as an outgoing person who was always having the time of my life, the truth is, I loved living like a hermit. I love writing, reading, watching old movies and listening to heartbreak songs. That's me, the average Jane.  

I'm still proud of the person I've become; as a daughter, a wife and now, a mother. Sure, the life I'm living now is nowhere near glamorous or fancy. It's a simple life; working a 9-to-5 like most people and earning an honest living. But Alhamdulillah, it's the life I've always wanted; a modest life with a healthy work-life balance. 

Even after all these years, not much has changed. I'm still not the kind of person who's eager to chase titles or climb the corporate ladder. I've always believed that every bigger role comes with greater responsibility and I've never wanted to take on something I wasn't fully prepared for. I'd rather grow steadily while stay true to myself. Well, I guess that despite dreaming of leaving my own mark on this world, I'd always end up choosing the safer path.

At the end of the day, I believe in one thing; you're exactly where Allah SWT wants you to be. 😇

**Here's one from the archives (click to enlarge);

- small piece of the past that reminds me of every opportunity comes with its own purpose, 

         whether it's meant to change our direction or simply strengthen our faith in the path we've chosen.

The Other Side of the Coin

I had the chance to meet up with my high school friends on the fourth day of Hari Raya. A very last-minute plan. Just tried my luck, reaching out to see if they could squeeze in a short reunion. Morning seemed like the ideal time, giving all of us space to step out for a while without disrupting the rest of our day. 

We talked about so many things, catching up on each other's lives that eventually covered every layer from career and personal struggles to mental health, family, finances and even geopolitics (especially with the ongoing tensions between the US/Israel and Iran, of course it would be part of the discussion). 

We met at 9 AM sharp and concluded at nearly 2 PM. 😅

What struck me most was how, even now, as we approach 40, we're all still figuring life out. It's a complete contrast to how I once imagined adulthood. I used to think that by this age, everything would be settled, stable, structured and clear. 

Turns out, it's far from that. 

But that's a story for another time.

Throughout the session, I also came to understand their perspectives of me - how they see me as a person. 

How they said, they wished they had my kind of "ignorance" - the ability to not worry too much about how others perceive them or not to feel overly responsible for other people's emotions. 

I found myself both agreeing and disagreeing, but I didn't really respond. I just let their perceptions be what they are.  

Because the truth is, I know what I feel.

I know what has shaped me into who I am. I know what I've gone through, what I've carried and how much I've quietly endured - far more than I ever show. 

Maybe I'm just good at hiding it. 

Or maybe I've never really learned how to share deeply with people. Cause I only truly open and speak my heart out in my du'a. 

Have I ever broken down? Of course.

Have I ever felt lost? Again and again.

Have I ever felt worthless? More than I can explain. 

Have I figured everything out? Not even close. 

Have I ever reached my lowest point? In ways I can hardly put into words. 

And did I cry for help? Yes, I did. But only in my prayers.

I may have shared glimpses of my struggles with few, but I believe, no one truly understands the weight I've been carrying. 

And that's okay. 

I've never placed expectations on others to fully understand or feel what I feel. 

Because they can't. Just as I can't fully understand or feel what they go through. 

We are all walking in different shoes. 

Hence, it may appear to them that I don't really bother. 

But truth is, I hold on, maintain my sanity and keep my hopes alive because I know, my problem solver is only Him. And He is the only One I seek help from. 

And despite it all, I know others have had it harder. That alone keeps me grateful. Alhamdulillah.

“If you are grateful, I will surely increase you…”

— (Surah Ibrahim 14:7)

 

One of the most direct and well-known sayings of the Prophet ﷺ:

“Look at those who are below you (in worldly matters), and do not look at those who are above you, for that is more likely to keep you from belittling the blessings of Allah upon you.”

— (Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

Khalas.  

From Setback to Comeback

Things with life is - it's really moves in cycle. 

One moment everything's going your way, and the next you're hit with challenges you didn't see coming.

But the good thing is, you're never stuck.

You won't always be on top, but you also won't always be at the bottom. 

--

My career growth since graduation has been steadily upward. Sure, it wasn't always easy, but overall, it's been a pretty satisfying climb. And what makes me even prouder is that to land those jobs, I actually had to sit for exams in order to get shortlisted for interviews and somehow, I nailed them every single time. 

At one point, I truly believed that everything I had, I earned on my own. I worked for it, and it was all because of my hard work. 

Until life knocked me down so hard. There came a moment when I lost my job due to unforeseen circumstances and that setback stretched into five challenging years without work. 

Indeed, life has its own ways of humbling me and teaching me lessons I didn't know I needed. 

During that period, I learned to place my full faith and trust in Him. I understand now that He alone holds the true power and control over everything. I don't have the slightest strength, not even over the things that already in my hand. 

I had convinced myself that this one particular interview would be my last. I'd lost the spark, the hope of pursuing any more opportunities. But it became the very door I never saw coming. 

Even so, it meant starting over. From the bottom.

And who would've thought, after five years - here I am, writing this on a Friday night after work.   

Alhamdulillah, it's been over a year now since I returned to work. Back in the corporate world, rocking life as a working mom again.

But this time, I walk with a deeper sense - that this too is temporary and could be taken from me at any moment. 

Therefore, all I want to do is cherish each moment I'm given, doing my best to improve myself, day by day. 

In shaa Allah.

xoxo, 

Syuha D.

From Working Mom to SAHM: A Chapter I Never Expected

My last day as a government servant was back in December 2018.

Since then, my life has taken quite a turn. From juggling meetings and deadlines as a working mom, I found myself stepping into a role I never imagined for myself, a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). Honestly, it wasn’t something I ever thought about, let alone planned or dreamed of. Maybe for some women, especially after getting married, becoming a SAHM is part of the goal. But for me? Not at all.

Being a SAHM was never in my vocabulary. I couldn’t even picture it. Indeed, life isn’t always what one likes (Roman Holiday).

If I’m being real, I was never a great cook. Well, if I'm being brutally honest, I only learned how to make nasi goreng after I got married and yes, it was a total flop! 

We were in a LDM (long-distance marriage) for about a year plus, so thankfully that failed nasi goreng was a solo practice session. Only after we reunited, I started to cook but, it was mostly simple meals done occasionally. You wouldn't believe it took me up to 2-3 hours just to prepare dinner. By the time the food was ready, it was already supper time! 😂 So, obviously SirHubby couldn't expect me to cook 3 times a day on the weekend. He'd definitely be starving while waiting for the foods to be ready!

But once I became a full-time SAHM, a lot had to change. We had to manage our finances more carefully, which meant cooking at home became a necessity.

Slowly but surely, I adapted. Cooking time now has been cut short, and I could get it done way faster - while still keeping the same precise measurements for every cut, of course! I even baked for my kids’ birthdays - something I never imagined myself doing. But there I was, rolling dough, decorating cakes and creating moments that made their eyes light up. Over time, I found joy in it. I even started selling pastries and Mac & Cheese on a small scale - just to test the waters and explore new possibilities.

I genuinely enjoyed my time as a SAHM. Being there for my children, handling their routines, teaching them, doing homework together and cooking meals for them - it was fulfilling in ways I never expected. It made me grateful.

But I won’t lie - I never stopped looking for work.

As much as I loved being home with my kids, a part of me longed to return to the working world. I missed the rush of being in a professional setting, the mental stimulation, the feeling of productivity that came from using my skills beyond the home. That’s the only time I truly feel like my brain is functioning at full capacity.

I want to be more - for myself and for my daughters. I want to be a role model they can look up to. I want to show them what it means to chase goals, to provide for the family and to stand on your own two feet.

So I kept applying. For five years, I sent out resumes, went through interviews, faced rejections - and even experienced the heartbreak of receiving job offers only to have them fall through due to unforeseen circumstances.

Eventually, I gave up. I told myself maybe this is it. Maybe Allah wants me to focus on being the best mother and wife I can be. Maybe this chapter - unexpected as it is - is where I'm meant to serve wholeheartedly.

And maybe, just maybe, that's not a loss, but a calm sense of direction.

*****

Eris & Elysia's birthday, 2021 - cake and cupcakes by yours truly  💖

Little hands, big mess, even bigger memories 🧁

Pinky

Trivia: 

Flashback

The Year of Pink (Before Pink Was Cool)

Back in 2003, pink wasn’t the it color for teenagers, at least not where I grew up in the north. Even for babies, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Unlike today, finding anything cute and fancy in pink was like searching for a needle in a haystack. 

My parents went above and beyond to fuel my pink obsession. We combed through big malls from Kedah to Perlis just to find pink sports shoes and school bags. In the end, I scored three different pink school bags and obviously, I was beyond grateful!

And that year, I was in Form 4 and had just transferred to a standard co-ed high school from an all-girls’ school. 

Fun fact: I ended up hopping between three different schools throughout my high school years.

My reason for switching schools? I wanted to feel like a "normal" student for once. Since Standard 5, I’d been donning different colored uniforms for roles like school librarian, prefect or whatever position I held each year until Form 3. Then, I’d had enough. I wanted those last two years of high school to just be. No different colored uniforms. No extra responsibilities. Just me in a regular school uniform blending into the crowd. Well, trying to blend in, anyway. Hence at my final stop, I had one goal - to keep a low profile and enjoy being a “normal” student.

Here’s the twist: I was absolutely obsessed with pink. And when I say obsessed, I mean everything I owned was pink; stationery, sports shoes, school bag, you name it. I was a walking, talking pink explosion, head to toe.

And that's pretty much how Yat started to call me Pinky. To her, and probably everyone else - I must’ve seemed so bold for rocking pink in school. Me? I didn’t think much of it. I was just living my pink dream, blissfully unaware that it was turning heads. Typical me, being a little naïve but totally owning my vibe. 

Looking back, it’s funny to realize how that simple color made such a statement without me even trying - something I only just found out during my recent staycation with Yat. Cause it never crossed my mind that having all-pink stuff in high school back then might seem a little out of the ordinary.

And thankfully, such attention didn’t translate into making me a school prefect again! At least, I achieved my goal, though staying low-key might have been a stretch. 😁

When Pink Took a Backseat in My Wardrobe

By the end of my Degree years, I started phasing out my pink collection and exploring other colors. I shifted towards mustard and gold accessories, color-blocking styles, navy blue, army green and eventually earthy tones. Little did I realize, my wardrobe no longer had a single pink outfit. Not one. 

No kidding!

It only hit me when the girls started planning our staycation last year and suggested matching outfits in pink. I actually had to go out and buy something pink just for that reason! They couldn’t believe I didn’t already have at least one pink item in my closet. 

Well, I guess it’s just part of adulting.

As a mother of two daughters, I thought I’d pass on my pink obsession to them, but surprise, surprise, they’re not that into it. In fact, they don't have a strong attachment to any one color (yet). 

I showed a picture of my old bedroom at my parents' house and their immediate reaction was, "Wow, your room is so pink!" 😅

17-18 Dec 2023
When your kids meet the crew; Aya & Trah 😄

7-8 Dec 2024 
Girls' Staycation in Malacca
(Just Yat and I)

 

Even with only a sprinkle of pink in my life, my BFFs still stick to calling me Pinky. And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. 😊

Taufan Al-Aqsa

My last post on Palestine was in 2012. An attack of air strike and ground operation for eight days which had killed 87 civilians including 35 children and 14 women. That wasn't the first or starting point to this whole barbaric massacre in the name of conflict. The oppression and occupation has started long time ago and still ongoing to this very day.

But nothing feels the same after last Oct 7th. 68 days. The death toll keep rising. The city has been razed to the ground. From the north to the south, there is literally no safe place to go. 

How could you call it a conflict when it is clearly and demonstrably an act of genocide that have been committed for over 75 years long now?

How much longer Palestinians need to endure this continuous assault?

How many Palestinians need to be killed to stop this ethnic cleansing?

How many tons of bombs need to be dropped in Palestine before the US agree for a ceasefire?

How many war crimes Zionist need to commit before they'll be dragged to the international criminal law?

I feel sick to my stomach to read and watch the updates everyday.

I can't believe that I'm living in today's world just to witness this unjust and inhumane catastrophe which caused mass casualties and the criminal is still living free with no consequences. 

Apparently, when it comes to Palestine all these resolutions of United Nations to protect human rights, deliver humanitarian aid, uphold international law and maintain international peace and security ain't applicable. Hence, the US alone could block almost all other UN Security Council members and dozens of other nations' demand for an immediate humanitarian Gaza ceasefire.

The hypocrisy is plainly unveil. 💀

Look at the data and tell me how could a normal person think this is a war when they are deliberately targeting civilians, NGOs, journalists and medical stuffs? This is by far the worst war crimes ever committed by a country and get full support from the US and UK. SHAMEFUL! We will never forget. They have blood on their hands!

Zionist is not just attacking and killing Palestinians but also cut off electricity, water and food supply - the basic human necessities! Gazans are dying from hunger and cold right now and we are part of this history to allow such evil and monstrous torture to happen in this modern world, a dystopian world indeed. 

"O Allah, aid our vulnerable brothers and sisters in Palestine and in all places. O Most Merciful of the Merciful, take them by their hand, protect them, be gentle with them and give them victory over disbelieving people, O Lord of Majesty and Bounty."

"From the river to the see, Palestine will be free"

Qalb

Watched Buya Hamka Vol 1 on 24th Aug. There is this one line - one of his infamous words of wisdom just hit me hard; 

“Salah satu pengkerdilan terkejam dalam hidup adalah membiarkan pikiran yang cemerlang menjadi budak bagi tubuh yang malas, yang mendahulukan istirahat sebelum lelah.”

It made me started to reflect upon my life again. Though it has become almost like a routine whenever I’m in my seclusion moment yet everything seems too blurry for me. I often questioned my purpose in this dunya. Is this all I could do? Is this all I meant to be? Am I too laid back? Do I really enjoy to be in this comfort zone? Not that I haven’t tried doing things differently. Not that I stop believing. But why does it seems I’m already at a dead end when I know I have so much to offer. 

Hence, Buya Hamka’s words shook me to the core. Question that stuck in my head; “Am I THAT person who he meant with didn’t cultivate and practice the knowledge that I have?”

Crestfallen.

Sometimes I do feel like giving up. I do feel like “ok whatever” and just wanted to go with the flow. But that is just not me. I keep telling myself, for whatever future holds for me, the only thing I shouldn’t stop doing is - to do my best whilst putting my whole faith in His plan for me.

Today, Eris Raissa came back from school with a prize that she won in one of competitions held in her school. But that’s not the point. I was so moved when she said, “This is for you Mommy” while she rubbing my back when I’m struggling to talk due to Laryngitis as a sign she knows what I’m trying to say - that I’m proud of her. Ahhh~ she’s so sweet like a little angel who knows what to say and do right thing at the right time. 

She also told me during her Agama class, Ustazah asked if there’s any student memorised surah An-Naas. And so, she with other one boy went to the front class to recite it. At this point, I’m beyond proud. It’s like Allah is on my side telling me I’m just doing good - that I should just continue doing the best I could.

We didn’t send our kids to KAFA. There are few factors that led to that decision and consequently, I begin teach them by myself.

At first I wasn’t too confident but teaching them one-on-one ensured me that this would be the best way as they will get full attention and I could track myself their progress and correct their lacks. It goes same with prayer where I demonstrate and show the steps so we could practice and pray together. Alhamdulillah, both of them; Eris and Elysia did so well for their age.

Having said that, being able to teach them by myself is indeed the moment that I treasure the most. And apart of that, I still have number of boxes yet to be checked in my own KPI list.

Now with these two delighted events in the latter would be sufficient for me to keep going. In shaa Allah, amin yra. 🤍

Young Mind

While having lunch with my kids after they came back from school;

Eris: Mommy, Alexandra asked me if I am rich. Cause she thought I live in a castle.

Me: Oh, why she said so? 

Eris: I don’t know.

Me: Then, what did you tell her? 

Eris: I told her I’m not rich. My house is like others. Just a normal house.

Me: Indeed right.

I feel relieved and proud at the same time. Relieved because she feels comfortable being herself and proud because she’s being honest.

Kids nowadays tend to give in to peer pressure as they want to be liked or they think it helps them fit in. How some of these kids are easily associate a brand symbol to a social status and judge others for wearing or having anything less than them. 

But I’m so glad her atmosphere and circle of friends are leading to positivity traits. How they really enjoy their friendship and filled with love, kindness and support. As far as I knew, she never mentioned or raised any concerns related to her school’s stuffs nor her physical being judged by her friends.

Because I know some of my friends had to deal with those things with their children. How their kids’ friends would make fun of their kids’ stuffs; ie - for not having phone, not owning any Smiggle collections etc.

The way I see it, our kids is our own reflections. How we raise, educate and instill good manners and thoughts in shaping them to be a good person that would benefit others and their surroundings.

I pray and really hope that my kids will forever stay true to themselves and not easily being affected by any bad influence. Being confident in their own skin and having strong principles will guide and help their mind to stay focus in achieving their goal instead of minding and worrying about what other people think of them.

We as a parent play a major role in their life - to be a good role model for them. Their today’s school of thought, self-identity and intelligence will define what kind of nation we’re making in the future.

With that being said, I hope I could deliver this crucial task as a Mom for my kids. ♥️

2022 Delayed Post

Guess it just has become my 'blogging pattern' to update year(s) later after one post. 😅

A short re-cap on 2022:

❤ Has officially be a SAHM for 4 years - I actually had received 2 job offers; 1) The offer got voided after the change of PM (got offer during TSMY tenureship but was immediately blocked after DIS took over), 2) I've to turn down another offer as it didn't meet my minimum salary expectations. Not being demand here but more on being realistic. I couldn't accept anything less than I expected as I am too having my own commitments and other responsibilities to take care of. In shaa Allah, I believe there'll be something better in the future. Amin. 

❤ Post C19 - After two years living with covid and survived the Alpha, Beta, Gamma and Delta variants we (kids, husband and I) however, got by Omicron. Kids were down with fever for 3 days. Cuma hari pertama and kedua je the temp spike really high. Masuk hari ke-3 fever subsided cuma tinggal light cough je. Next person down with fever was husband. 5 hari jugak bedridden. Then the last person was me. I barely got fever. Cuma sakit tekak and light headache and that's all. Guess the vaccine/boosters really helped though. Overall, the country was in recovery process where lot of businesses were back to open and run as usual. More rules and regulations were also uplifted (i.e.: face mask is no longer mandatory except in selected indoors/facilities building, schools were open and back to normal physical class, M'sia also re-opening its international borders again and we got to go back to kampung to celebrate Hari Raya 😉). Alhamdulillah.

❤ There was one personal matter that I hold it for too long in seeking the closure but Alhamdulillah, I've finally found and got it. Couldn't be more thankful for that. "Whatever goods happens to you is from Allah; and whatever misfortune smites you is because of your own action. We have sent you to mankind (O Muhammad!) as a Messenger and Allah is sufficient as a witness." Ayah an-Nisa' 4:79  😇

Well, that's all from me as of now. 

Toodles! 😘

2020 in a nutshell

So basically I only have one post in 2020 and the post was legit before COVID-19 struck our beloved country that soon the government officially implemented the first MCO (Movement Control Order) on 18 March 2020.

Since then.. the whole thing/our life has definitely changed until today. 

We have to adjust to the new norms; wearing mask, normalising using hand sanitizer as well as wash hand frequently, go out only when it is necessary, avoid crowded places, no big gatherings/events, no contact (handshakes/hugs) greetings, travel restriction for the whole year, practicing 1m physical/social distance and also work from home.

When the first outbreak happened, I was optimistic that it won't be long. As a matter of fact, we were doing so great in handling it in the first 3 months where the daily cases used to be 0. But not too long... not until after Sabah election took place on 26 September 2020 which has screwed everything up. The daily cases started to rise and it's getting worse when most of the factories were still operating and running as usual. I totally understand that the government was adjusting to work out on the economic recovery and at the same time managing and battling to keep up the health care system amidst C19 crisis. Well, it comes at a high price.. We're losing thousand of lives - be it caused by the virus or even worst - deaths by suicide due to prolonged lockdowns and losing jobs during this pandemic which take a mounting toll on mental health.  

------

As C19 has affected most of us and everyone is struggling.. including us. But.. since I've been laid off in 2019, it is fair to say that we've got a year ahead to make appropriate adjustment to adapt in current state. So when this pandemic hit us, of course there are few changes need to be made but we managed to work it out accordingly. Alhamdulillah..

One of the initial plan was moving into our new house in early 2020. However, since we need to adhere to the MCO, plus there were lotsa works to get it done (ie: home inspections, wiring, install kitchen cabinet and grill) has dragged the plan on till the end of August 2020. p/s: I'm gonna update on that in the other post. 😉

My first born, Eris Raissa was 5 years old and she was supposedly be sending to kindy in 2020. But since all kindergatens and schools were closed the whole year, we only could send Eris to Mandarin pre-school this year. We actually were planning to send her to SJKC hence the choice of the latter pre-school. However, I know it will be hard for her to catch up with Mandarin that I pray and hope, she will be fine next year in the primary school.

When there are lotsa things has changed in these past two years, the only thing that remains is... I'm still a SAHM. Trying out so many kind of alternatives (including biz) but nothing works so far. I dunno what future holds for me but I only pray for the best and surely HIS plan is the best. 

And as of now, as I am writing, we're getting back on track. Alhamdulillah... Thanks for the vaccine and people who chose to vaccine. We've already reached 90% adult vaccination rate where interstate are now allowed after 2 years we sacrificed our Aidilfitri & Aidiladha. 😥 (But of course, this permission only applicable to those has completed their second dose of vaccine only). 

We're not even close to the victory yet.. We have to accept that the virus was expecting to stay and live around us which would become endemic. It's a sad, harsh truth we have to accept that... the world is getting sick, old and will keep changing to its call. And it will never be the same as before again. 💔

However, never lose hope and keep doing and be a better you. 

xoxo

Syuha D. 

Chapter 2: Umrah 2018

Our Umrah tour was actually combined with one week trip to Egypt which took the whole trip up to three weeks long from 15 Jan until 3 Feb 2018. Yet, total cost for the package was only RM6500! Definitely the most cheapest package we could ever have! Alhamdulillah..

Mama's first plan was to go for DIY-Umrah with her friend that would cost us about RM5k/person. But then my cousin who studied in Egypt (at the time) shared with us about this package which he and his friends were doing some collaboration with Malaysia travel agency for Umrah trip with a special rate.

Maybe the hotels selection weren't fancy and luxury but it was worth the price considering the services, comfortability and distance between hotels to Masjidil Haram/Masjidil Nabawi were really close! 

And I am so grateful to have Ustaz Amzari as our Mutawwif. He's very responsible, hospitable and au courant with the historical places mentioned in Quran. I've learned a lot from him and from the trip itself. 

Anyways, I'm not going to share all the details of the journey since I have already posted in my Instagram account. 

But here, I just wanna share about those experiences that I haven't shared publicly yet. Those memorable experiences that I hope could benefit others.

***********

Medina

I still remember that feelings on my first day set foot in Medina. Our bus stopped right in front of the hotel and as I stepped off the bus I could feel a cool breeze touched my face in that morning. Motionless, soothing and so refreshing..

I honestly don't have any expectation. I am practically has cleared and set my mind that I'm just gonna utilise all the time by worship, cherish and seize every moment there.

As we were entered the gate of Masjidil Nabawi, my eyes could easily caught the green dome - the mark of our Prophet's (pbuh) tomb. MasyaAllah.. that feelings was ineffable. I lost words.

I got a little teary-eyed, mixed feelings - it's like a dream.. I can't believe that I was there.. Standing in the middle of busy, crowd people walking around the Prophet's courtyard mosque. I was exteremely happy and touched at the same time - thinking and talking with myself, "what good deed did I do to deserve to be here?" 

Looking at the green dome, gave Salam to our beloved Prophet really warmed my heart. I felt like I just reunited with my long lost sweetheart. It felt surreal even I've never met him. 💓

--------

We all know, the only place that we really wanted to be and sit for as long as we can is in Raudah. For women, we hardly get a five-peaceful-minutes. There's always pushing and battling to even get a spot since there's time limit for every session. So, it is advisable to get in there in group so you could protect and look for each other while taking turn to perform sunnah prayers. 

Alhamdulillah, I managed to get in there three times; two times in a group, one time just by myself, alone. 

There's a story behind it how I got in there alone. 

Of course the first night we were led by a mutawwifah while for the second time, we went there all by ourselves in a group which include my mom, aunt, cousin, mom's friend and I. I got a chance to perform sunnah prayer in our first time but sadly, not in the second time. If I could simplify, it was all chaos inside there and I was protecting my group members to pray that we're running out of our time where I lost my chance. But still, I managed to make du'a.

However, I couldn't deny it was heart wrenching that I lost a chance to perform sunnah prayer inside Raudah. Of course, it's not really a big deal.. Ain't neccessary to perform sunnah prayer as we also could just make du'a - whatever that suits the current state/situation. But.. for a person like me who never knows when would I get the chance to go there again, I was really looking forward to grab any opportunities to do my best.   

 

So, that little sadness in the corner of my heart that I kept to myself surely wasn't a secret that I could hide from Allah. HE knows. 

As we're in our second last day in Medina, we've planned to go in Raudah again after Isya'. We came a bit late during Maghrib that we only managed to pray around the courtyard. After done praying and as we walked into the mosque to secure a spot for Isya' prayer, my mom realised that she left her niqab outside in the courtyard earlier.

I asked them to wait for me at the gate while I go find it. It was only like 5 minutes walk-distance but as soon as I came back, they weren't there anymore. So I thought, they've must be left to the loo. I waited outside the loo for a couple minutes before I went inside and searched for them. Unfortunately, they weren't there too. It's almost Isya' and I thought they probably went inside the mosque already. I looked around carefully, searched for them but failed. So I just took a spot for myself quite in front of the mosque's door. With a thought of that in case they came in late, they could still see me.  

note: We were all wore niqab when we want to get in Raudah as we've discovered we could easily elapse between jamaah from other countries as compared to when we wore 'telekung' which really synonym to M'sia/Indonesia. If we wear telekung, the police female security would keep you in a big group of Asia and hold us to be the last group to enter Raudah. The logic behind it? Asia jamaah is more patience than other countries (which really give the police a hard time to handle).

I was at first contemplating to enter Raudah by myself cause I was afraid there's no one to protect me while I'm praying - people could step on me while I'm sujood. But then, I told myself that I probably won't get any chance after this since we're leaving for Mecca tomorrow. So, I brace myself went there alone. 

Miraculously, it was an easy, fastest trip for me. I went there slip past between other jamaah and suddenly I already stood on the green carpet *green carpet is an indicator that you're in Raudah zone. It was a free, clear spot for me! And NO ONE pushing me! I immediately took my chance and performed sunnah prayer. Alhamdulillah, I was totally fine - no one hit me, pushed me neither stepped on me. I was definitely protected by Allah. 😇 

Masha Allah...

"And put all your trust [in Allah], if you truly are believers." (Quran 5:23)

Now it's all make sense when people say, when you're in tanah haram, be careful with your heart, what you wish for, it might come true. Allahuakbar. So always always fill your heart and mind with all positive thoughts. In shaa Allah, you'll get everything you want.

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💢Post-missing incident

My phone was out of credit when the incident happened and that was the reason why I couldn't call/text them to tell my whereabouts. 

I've reload my phone on my way back to the hotel. When I got into the room, my mom and others weren't in there yet. And I've received lots of messages came from the Umrah group including the male jamaah during my 'MIA'. They were all worried and afraid if I've gone missing. Sooo cute! 😅

And another surprise that I've learned after my mom and the rest came back into the room was the fact that they've never left the gate! They were there all the time waiting for me until Isya' prayer. They are 4 of them looking for me but none of them noticed when I walked or past them. Ditto! I didn't see them too! I know it sounds impossible and fictitious. But it is what it is and I believe that's Allah's miracle work. 💗

From left: My mom, me, cousin and aunt

Twenty Twenty

Umrah posting need to wait as I don't wanna miss this chance to update in early 2020!

I've seen lots of people do this thing of a decade recap in most of socmeds but I wanna do it here.

2010:
⧫ March - Degree Class Trip to Bagan Lalang
⧫ May - Celebrated birthday with bestfriend, Aida and had a trip to Bkt Tinggi with Anem & Trah
⧫ August - Ended six years of relationship
⧫ October - Joined AdFest in Penang
⧫ December - Started my internship in ad agency.

2011: 
⧫ Single.
⧫ March - Joined the last AdFest in PD
⧫ Graduated from UiTM - Bachelor of Mass Communication (Hons) Advertising
⧫ Worked with magazine publication company before resigned for fam bam's business
⧫ May - Family trip to Jakarta and Bandung
⧫ Ran the biz errands around KL - Bangi - Johor - Singapore.

⧫ September - Started new job as Media & Marketing Executive in ad agency, Dentsu. 

⧫ October - Joined media workshop in Singapore
⧫ December - Left Dentsu.


2012:
⧫ Single.
⧫ January - Went back to hometown, Langkawi.
⧫ February - Worked in Maxis Centre Langkawi.
⧫ March - Had reunion with Degree classmate in Langkawi
⧫ July - In get-to-know phase with SirHubby
⧫ August - Merisik Ceremony took part
⧫ Resigned from Maxis Centre.
⧫ December - Engaged with SirHubby


2013:
⧫ Started to work as Replacement Teacher in high school.
⧫ Received job offer from LADA
⧫ May - Fam Trip to Sarawak with fiance.
⧫ June - Started new role in LADA as Assistant Manager.
⧫ August - Married!
⧫ In LDR with SirHubby.
⧫ October - Attended work demand in Taipei for 5 days.


2014:
⧫ Hijrah - Decided to wear full hijab.
⧫ April - Road trip with SirHubby; Melaka - Genting - KL
⧫ June - Pregnant with #ErisRaissa
⧫ July - Bought my first house in Langkawi
⧫ October - Office trip to Hatyai
⧫ November - Reunited with SirHubby
⧫ December - Started new job in JPM


2015:
⧫ February - Welcome our first new born #ErisRaissa
⧫ Life was great. Everything was about adjusting and adapting new role as a new mom.
⧫ December - Family trip to Fraser Hill


2016:
⧫ February - Family trip to Hatyai
⧫ March - SirHubby bought his first house
⧫ June - Pregnant with #ElysiaRizqie
⧫ July - Celebrated SirHubby's birthday in Bukit Tinggi
⧫ December - Trade off my first car, Viva for new Pesona


2017:
⧫ February - Gave birth to #ElysiaRizqie
⧫ May - Family trip to Perth
⧫ August - Little anniversary celebration in PD
⧫ September - In laws trip to CH
⧫ October - Family short trip to MAPS, Perak


2018:
⧫ January - Performed Umrah
⧫ February - Trip to Egypt
⧫ April - Lost my beloved FIL.
⧫ May - The fall of 'government-of-the-day', our unit dissolved
⧫ Launced my first product, PinkMentation foundation
⧫ August - Short getaway to Malacca for anniversary celebration
⧫ September - In laws trip to Terengganu
⧫ October - Family trip to Sabah
⧫ December - The end of my career, SirHubby to let go his car


2019:
⧫ The beginning of being SAHM
⧫ January - Stayed in Langkawi for a couple weeks
⧫ February - Celebrated the girls' birthday in GH
⧫ July - Started to put my house on the market
⧫ August - In laws trip to CH
⧫ December - Ended the year by brought the girls to watch NYE fireworks.

Looking back, I am so proud of myself how every bit of it helped me grown. It is what it is. I have no regrets. In fact it was a great journey that have made me today. Despite all tears and laughs, I am so thankful for everyone who choose to stick around, who never give up on me, who always have my back. Thank You! 

Never stop dreaming. Never losing hope. 

Hence, my new motto is, "Redah Je!"

Let's do this 2020!