Qalb

Watched Buya Hamka Vol 1 on 24th Aug. There is this one line - one of his infamous words of wisdom just hit me hard; 

“Salah satu pengkerdilan terkejam dalam hidup adalah membiarkan pikiran yang cemerlang menjadi budak bagi tubuh yang malas, yang mendahulukan istirahat sebelum lelah.”

It made me started to reflect upon my life again. Though it has become almost like a routine whenever I’m in my seclusion moment yet everything seems too blurry for me. I often questioned my purpose in this dunya. Is this all I could do? Is this all I meant to be? Am I too laid back? Do I really enjoy to be in this comfort zone? Not that I haven’t tried doing things differently. Not that I stop believing. But why does it seems I’m already at a dead end when I know I have so much to offer. 

Hence, Buya Hamka’s words shook me to the core. Question that stuck in my head; “Am I THAT person who he meant with didn’t cultivate and practice the knowledge that I have?”

Crestfallen.

Sometimes I do feel like giving up. I do feel like “ok whatever” and just wanted to go with the flow. But that is just not me. I keep telling myself, for whatever future holds for me, the only thing I shouldn’t stop doing is - to do my best whilst putting my whole faith in His plan for me.

Today, Eris Raissa came back from school with a prize that she won in one of competitions held in her school. But that’s not the point. I was so moved when she said, “This is for you Mommy” while she rubbing my back when I’m struggling to talk due to Laryngitis as a sign she knows what I’m trying to say - that I’m proud of her. Ahhh~ she’s so sweet like a little angel who knows what to say and do right thing at the right time. 

She also told me during her Agama class, Ustazah asked if there’s any student memorised surah An-Naas. And so, she with other one boy went to the front class to recite it. At this point, I’m beyond proud. It’s like Allah is on my side telling me I’m just doing good - that I should just continue doing the best I could.

We didn’t send our kids to KAFA. There are few factors that led to that decision and consequently, I begin teach them by myself.

At first I wasn’t too confident but teaching them one-on-one ensured me that this would be the best way as they will get full attention and I could track myself their progress and correct their lacks. It goes same with prayer where I demonstrate and show the steps so we could practice and pray together. Alhamdulillah, both of them; Eris and Elysia did so well for their age.

Having said that, being able to teach them by myself is indeed the moment that I treasure the most. And apart of that, I still have number of boxes yet to be checked in my own KPI list.

Now with these two delighted events in the latter would be sufficient for me to keep going. In shaa Allah, amin yra. 🤍