From Working Mom to SAHM: A Chapter I Never Expected

My last day as a government servant was back in December 2018.

Since then, my life has taken quite a turn. From juggling meetings and deadlines as a working mom, I found myself stepping into a role I never imagined for myself—a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). Honestly, it wasn’t something I ever thought about, let alone planned or dreamed of. Maybe for some women, especially after getting married, becoming a SAHM is part of the goal. But for me? Not at all.

Being a SAHM was never in my vocabulary. I couldn’t even picture it. Indeed, life isn’t always what one likes (Roman Holiday).

If I’m being real—I was never a great cook. Before marriage, I didn’t even step foot in the kitchen unless it was to make a cup of coffee. I only started cooking after I got married, and even then, it was mostly simple meals done occasionally. But once I became a full-time SAHM, a lot had to change. We had to manage our finances more carefully, which meant cooking at home became a necessity.

Slowly but surely, I adapted. I even baked for my kids’ birthdays—something I never imagined myself doing. But there I was, rolling dough, decorating cakes and creating moments that made their eyes light up. Over time, I found joy in it. I even started selling pastries and Mac & Cheese on a small scale—just to test the waters and explore new possibilities.

I genuinely enjoyed my time as a SAHM. Being there for my children, handling their routines, teaching them, doing homework together and cooking meals for them—it was fulfilling in ways I never expected. It made me grateful.

But I won’t lie—I never stopped looking for work.

As much as I loved being home with my kids, a part of me longed to return to the working world. I missed the rush of being in a professional setting, the mental stimulation, the feeling of productivity that came from using my skills beyond the home. That’s the only time I truly feel like my brain is functioning at full capacity.

I want to be more—for myself and for my daughters. I want to be a role model they can look up to. I want to show them what it means to chase goals, to provide for the family and to stand on your own two feet.

So I kept applying. For five years, I sent out resumes, went through interviews, faced rejections—and even experienced the heartbreak of receiving job offers only to have them fall through due to unforeseen circumstances.

Eventually, I gave up. I told myself maybe this is it. Maybe Allah wants me to focus on being the best mother and wife I can be. Maybe this chapter—unexpected as it is—is where I'm meant to serve wholeheartedly.

And maybe, just maybe, that's not a loss, but a quiet kind of purpose.

*****

Eris & Elysia's birthday, 2021 — cake and cupcakes by yours truly  💖

Little hands, big mess, even bigger memories 🧁

Pinky

Trivia: 

Flashback

The Year of Pink (Before Pink Was Cool)

Back in 2003, pink wasn’t the it color for teenagers—at least not where I grew up in the north. Even for babies, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Unlike today, finding anything cute and fancy in pink was like searching for a needle in a haystack. 

My parents went above and beyond to fuel my pink obsession. We combed through big malls from Kedah to Perlis just to find pink sports shoes and school bags. In the end, I scored three different pink school bags and obviously, I was beyond grateful!

And that year, I was in Form 4 and had just transferred to a standard co-ed high school from an all-girls’ school. 

Fun fact: I ended up hopping between three different schools throughout my high school years.

My reason for switching schools? I wanted to feel like a "normal" student for once. Since Standard 5, I’d been donning different colored uniforms for roles like school librarian, prefect or whatever position I held each year until Form 3. Then, I’d had enough. I wanted those last two years of high school to just be. No different colored uniforms. No extra responsibilities. Just me in a regular school uniform blending into the crowd. Well, trying to blend in, anyway. Hence at my final stop, I had one goal—to keep a low profile and enjoy being a “normal” student.

Here’s the twist: I was absolutely obsessed with pink. And when I say obsessed, I mean everything I owned was pink—stationery, sports shoes, school bag, you name it. I was a walking, talking pink explosion, head to toe.

And that's pretty much how Yat started to call me Pinky. To her—and probably everyone else—I must’ve seemed so bold for rocking pink in school. Me? I didn’t think much of it. I was just living my pink dream, blissfully unaware that it was turning heads. Typical me, being a little naïve but totally owning my vibe. 

Looking back, it’s funny to realize how that simple color made such a statement without me even trying—something I only just found out during my recent staycation with Yat. Cause it never crossed my mind that having all-pink stuff in high school back then might seem a little out of the ordinary.

And thankfully, such attention didn’t translate into making me a school prefect again! At least, I achieved my goal, though staying low-key might have been a stretch. 😁

When Pink Took a Backseat in My Wardrobe

By the end of my Degree years, I started phasing out my pink collection and exploring other colors. I shifted towards mustard and gold accessories, color-blocking styles, navy blue, army green and eventually earthy tones. Little did I realize, my wardrobe no longer had a single pink outfit. Not one. 

No kidding!

It only hit me when the girls started planning our staycation last year and suggested matching outfits in pink. I actually had to go out and buy something pink just for that reason! They couldn’t believe I didn’t already have at least one pink item in my closet. 

Well, I guess it’s just part of adulting.

As a mother of two daughters, I thought I’d pass on my pink obsession to them, but surprise, surprise, they’re not that into it. In fact, they don't have a strong attachment to any one color (yet). 

I showed a picture of my old bedroom at my parents' house and their immediate reaction was, "Wow, your room is so pink!" 😅

17-18 Dec 2023
When your kids meet the crew; Aya & Trah 😄

7-8 Dec 2024 
Girls' Staycation in Malacca
(Just Yat and I)

 

Even with only a sprinkle of pink in my life, my BFFs still stick to calling me Pinky— and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. 😊

Taufan Al-Aqsa

My last post on Palestine was in 2012. An attack of air strike and ground operation for eight days which had killed 87 civilians including 35 children and 14 women. That wasn't the first or starting point to this whole barbaric massacre in the name of conflict. The oppression and occupation has started long time ago and still ongoing to this very day.

But nothing feels the same after last Oct 7th. 68 days. The death toll keep rising. The city has been razed to the ground. From the north to the south, there is literally no safe place to go. 

How could you call it a conflict when it is clearly and demonstrably an act of genocide that have been committed for over 75 years long now?

How much longer Palestinians need to endure this continuous assault?

How many Palestinians need to be killed to stop this ethnic cleansing?

How many tons of bombs need to be dropped in Palestine before the US agree for a ceasefire?

How many war crimes Zionist need to commit before they'll be dragged to the international criminal law?

I feel sick to my stomach to read and watch the updates everyday.

I can't believe that I'm living in today's world just to witness this unjust and inhumane catastrophe which caused mass casualties and the criminal is still living free with no consequences. 

Apparently, when it comes to Palestine all these resolutions of United Nations to protect human rights, deliver humanitarian aid, uphold international law and maintain international peace and security ain't applicable. Hence, the US alone could block almost all other UN Security Council members and dozens of other nations' demand for an immediate humanitarian Gaza ceasefire.

The hypocrisy is plainly unveil. 💀

Look at the data and tell me how could a normal person think this is a war when they are deliberately targeting civilians, NGOs, journalists and medical stuffs? This is by far the worst war crimes ever committed by a country and get full support from the US and UK. SHAMEFUL! We will never forget. They have blood on their hands!

Zionist is not just attacking and killing Palestinians but also cut off electricity, water and food supply - the basic human necessities! Gazans are dying from hunger and cold right now and we are part of this history to allow such evil and monstrous torture to happen in this modern world, a dystopian world indeed. 

"O Allah, aid our vulnerable brothers and sisters in Palestine and in all places. O Most Merciful of the Merciful, take them by their hand, protect them, be gentle with them and give them victory over disbelieving people, O Lord of Majesty and Bounty."

"From the river to the see, Palestine will be free"